Part II: The Worst Hockey Uniforms Ever

08/06/2009

A couple weeks back, I did a piece on what I thought, were the best hockey uniforms of then and now. They were my opinions and the reactions I got from some of you were absolutely priceless, I loved it. Well, since I told you what I thought were the best, how about a more challenging bit? The world of hockey’s worst uniforms of all time. Yes, that’s right, I said it is more challenging because there have been countless abominations for uniforms in hockey. So, to name the best ones are easy, to narrow down the worst ones, now that takes some concentration.

The worst uniforms of hockey have almost become a part of it’s culture. Everyone in hockey remembers the worst ones because they stick out in their mind more. It takes a collective effort of ridiculous color combinations, obscure designs and insane logo locations to make these jerseys as bad as they are. Think back to when you were just a little kid and your mom still picked out your clothes for you. When you were too young to know any better, they were just clothes, but then you got older and started to realize that those clothes were just making you look like a doufass. Hockey teams are kind of the same way. The front office changes things up and decides to go in another direction with the threads and then slowly but surely they realize they have made a terrible mistake.

So, without any further ado, lets take a look at some of the worst fashion decisions of all time within the hockey universe.

10) New Jersey Devils Christmas tree uniforms:

So am I a homer now? Even though this possesses the Devil’s current logo, it still had the worst color combination and design in franchise history. Both the green and red were awful together and when they finally changed to the red and black, they became a better team for it (thank god).

9)Dallas Stars former third jersey:

What is that? Seriously! It looks like a bull. But why? Because you play in Texas and there are bulls in Texas? Well there are Bulls all over the country. This is one of the most ridiculous logos I have ever seen. The cosmos design over the head of a bull, which may I say, has nothing to do with your other jersey designs.

8)Tampa Bay Lightning thunder-storm third jersey

WOW!! Take this jersey in folks, I’ll give you a minute… Alright, now that you have let it sink in. Yes, those were actually worn in the NHL, although it looks like it should have been used in that beach roller hockey league they used to have on ESPN 2 The Deuce, back in it’s hay-day. I really have nothing to say on this jersey, the picture says it all.

7)Phoenix Coyotes desert third jersey

Perhaps the Coyotes took a page from the Lightning with the whole environment theme. Except no one told them that the Lightning jersey was awful, they did, however, manage to produce a jersey worse than number 8. That Pablo Picaso looking coyote head for a logo, the cacti draped along the bottom and those lizards on the shoulders make this an all around collaborative effort as a horrifying uniform.

6)New York Islander Gorton Fisherman uniforms.

When the Islanders debuted these jersey’s the only word I could describe for my father’s reaction (long time Islander fan) was ‘dumbfounded’. How are you an established dynasty of the 80’s and become a big time franchise in this league and then wear a jersey with a gorton fisherman look-a-like logo? Not to mention they have the nastiest color blue and orange combination anyone could muster. These things were the beginning of the end for the Isles.

5)Nashville Predators mustard thirds

I have always been a fan of the Predators primary logo and I like the combination of dark blue and silver. These things, however, are in a world of their own. I didn’t even know that you could manufacture this color onto fabric, I really thought it was only something concocted in factories that made mustard. Aside from the horrific color, that logo looks like a mix between something from a 1980’s music video and something you would see on a bad acid trip.

4)Los Angeles Kings old third jersey.

I know, I thought the same thing you all did when I saw this at first. I had no idea the king from Burger King had his own jersey. But no! This was the LA Kings third jersey during the 95-96 season. The Great One himself once wore these bad boys. How this thing was approved I have no idea, but that “king” is in a terrible spot for a logo, or is that gray swooshing line their logo? Better yet, why is that king so angry? If I was a betting man I would say it’s because he was placed on these things without his permission.

3)Boston Bruins 90’s third jersey

I am a big fan of the bruins current third uni’s, but these were terrible! First of all, that is way too much yellow and the jagged trim just looks tacky. My biggest problem with these is that damn bear. I have no problem with bears in general, but this particular bear pissed me off. He is staring off into the distance, but at what? Why does it look so confused? When I look at it, I just start to laugh, but I laugh because I really don’t understand it. He looks really high is what it boils down to.

2)Mighty Ducks third jersey

If you just bugged your eyes out at the computer screen, then you are as appalled at these as I am. This jersey is as cartoonish and insane as it gets. That is indeed a goalie padded duck, jumping out of frozen waters ready to fight! He heard Goldberg went down with an ankle sprain so he came as quickly as he could to Coach Gordon Bombay’s aid.

1)Vancouver Canucks V jersey.

You can disagree if you want. This is the hands down winner for me. There is no logo, no numbers on the side. Just a multi-colored “V”. I remember hearing about these jerseys as a kid from my brothers. I would hear in passing, “hey, at least they aren’t as bad as those things the Canucks used to wear” or something like “remember those canuck jerseys? Yea, she was that ugly”. They were like a mythical creature and back then I did not have google images at my disposal to just look em up. But when I finally saw them, my God, I was not prepared for the atrocity before me. These things are B-R-U-T-A-L! I feel for any one who had to wear these and any fan who was forced to cheer on their ‘nucks while wearing these things.

Honorable Mentions:

St. Louis Blues potential third jersey

Vancouver Canucks 90’s third jersey

Atlanta Thrashers Blue jersey

Ottawa Senators (old) striped jersey

Edmonton Oilers “oil drop” jersey

California Seals