Devils Storylines and Predictions 2011/12 edition

I’m not going to do a day by day prediction of what the Devils will do this year.  But this is my “look into a crystal ball and figure out what the Devils will do on and off the ice this season” column.  Somewhat humorous (I hope), somewhat optimistic, and probably very inaccurate, as it’s early-August, and nothing ever plays out the way we think it will.  Keep all that in mind as you hop over the jump.

SEPTEMBER 2011

• Adam Larsson looks great in camp leading to speculation that he could be on the Devils top defensive pairing and get tons of power play time.
• New coach Peter DeBoer experiments with Ilya Kovalchuk on the right side, leading to Rich Chere and Tom Gulitti writing tons of “DeBoer alienating Kovalchuk” type articles.
• Fans speculate as to whether David Clarkson will finally live up to his potential as he finds himself skating with mostly 3rd and 4th liners in camp and preseason.
• As the month ends, DeBoer names Ilya Kovalchuk the next captain of the Devils, with Zach Parise and Patrik Elias as alternates.  Some fans argue that it’s the best choice, as he’s going to be here until most of us start collecting social security.  Some argue that it’s the 2nd step (the one year contract being the first) out the door for Parise.  Hockey’s Future message boards blow up with speculation as to where a disgruntled Parise will sign next season.

OCTOBER 2011

• The Devils start their season with a bang, winning two of their first three games.  However, fans start questioning the value of waiving Colin White when the Devils lose to Carolina on a last second goal.
• Colin White misses the October 21 game at the Prudential Center.  When asked about it after the game, White tells reporters that he couldn’t read the coach’s lineup, and admits that Marty had been telling him all these years whether or not he was playing.
• Adam Larsson, despite looking fantastic during drills and preseason, looks a bit lost against full NHL squads.  Devils fans on message boards everywhere speculate as to whether or not we should’ve taken Dougie Hamilton or Sean Couturier.
• Ilya Kovalchuk finishes the month with 12 goals in 9 games, leading fans on the Hockey’s Future boards to exclaim how they knew all along he was worth the money.  Looking up past posts by these members reveal consistent use of the term “Kovalsuck” from October 2010-January 2011.  Go figure.

NOVEMBER 2011

• After a “slow” start with 3 goals and 4 assists in 9 games, Devil fans wonder if the real Parise will ever show up.
• Peter DeBoer accidentally goes to the wrong bench in Florida against the Panthers.  Reached for comment after the game, John MacLean says, “Hey at least I never did THAT.”
• Marty Brodeur notches his 4th shutout of the year against the Columbus Blue Jackets.  Reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated, but reporters start speculating about him getting rest since he’s performing so well.
• Ilya Kovalchuk finishes November with 16 goals in 23 games.  Fans wonder what’s wrong with him even though he has 34 points in those 23 games.
• Zach Parise finishes the month with 15 goals and 35 points in 23 games.  Wade Arnott puts a downpayment on a new yacht.

DECEMBER 2011

• Adam Larsson scores his first goal of the season.  Fans rejoice.  In the second period, the goal is credited to Zach Parise on a deflection.  Fans flood message boards pointing out that Dougie Hamilton and Sean Couturier are lighting up the AHL.
• Patrik Elias scores his 5th goal of the season.  I gasp, “We have another season of this still?”  People still argue that his number should be retired.
• Speaking of jersey retirements, fans wonder why Scott Niedermayer’s #27 is still not up in the rafters.  Most people of sound mind think he needs to wait for Marty first.  In the meantime, the Rangers retire Jeff Beukeboom’s and Glenn Anderson’s numbers from 1994, continuing to get as much mileage as possible out of their only championship in 71 years.
• Devils head in to the new year in 3rd place in the Atlantic Division in a tight race with Philadelphia and Pittsburgh.

JANUARY 2012

• After months of speculation, and countless “in the know” posts on the Hockey’s Future boards, Zach Parise does NOT sign a long term extension with the Devils.  The internet crashes from the influx of rumors.
• The Rangers and Flyers rack up 120 penalty minutes in a fight marred Winter Classic that the Flyers win 5-0.  Henrik Lundqvist gives up all 5 goals.  Calls Justin Bieber for support after the game.  Flyer fans immediately exclaim Ilya Bryzgalov as the missing piece to their Stanley Cup Puzzle, even though he has a 4.25 GAA and .901 Save Pct in the first half.
• Marty Brodeur wins his 650th game in a 1-0 shootout win against the Flyers.  With 25 wins,  7 shutouts, and a .935 save pct, the 2012 offseason is officially shaping up to be enormous.
• Ilya Kovalchuk and Zach Parise finish the month tied for the team lead in points at 70 in 49 games.  Parise has 26 goals while Kovalchuk has 35.  Both are in the top 5 in the league in points.
• Adam Larsson has 3 points on the year, and still doesn’t have a goal.  He is, however, playing 25 minutes a game and is a +31.  Sean Couturier is still lighting up the AHL, according to the Hockey’s Future message boards.
• Devils finish January in first place in the Eastern Conference.  Philly is fading after Claude Giroux and Max Talbot take over as heads of the Philly Party Planning Committee.  Jeff Carter and Mike Richards snicker from afar.

FEBRUARY 2012

• Devils fans start to worry about the amount of rest Marty Brodeur is getting.  With an 8 point lead in the division and a 4 point lead over Tampa in the East, fans are starting to look ahead to the postseason.  Hot on the tails of San Jose for the President’s Trophy, Marty says he’d like to play every day and feels great.
• Nick Palmieri is sent down to Albany.  Adam Henrique is called up.  When asked about Palmieri, DeBoer says he wants him to work on passing the puck onto guys’ forehands, rather than their backhand or the inside of their skates.
• As the trade deadline approaches, tons of Devil fans jump ship on Adam Larsson and demand he be traded to LA for Drew Doughty.  Rumors also circulate of Parise being on the block.  He has 90 points through 62 games, and 37 goals.  The internet crashes during the Devils game against the Lightning, causing the 3 fans who rented iPads to demand their money back.
• The Devils trade David Clarkson at the trade deadline.  In return, they get Ryan Suter, who is scheduled to be a UFA on July 1st.
• Kovalchuk finishes the month with 48 goals and 87 points.  Fans are electric with the thought of the Devils first 50 goal scorer in team history.  Ranger fans still talk about his contract being a burden on the team, despite a cap hit of $6.6M.

MARCH 2012

• In a surprise start to the month, the Devils allow the Flyers to climb back into the race with a 3W and 5L start to the month, which is loaded with rivalry games and the defending Cup Champion Boston Bruins.
• After a disappointing end to the Michigan season, Jon Merrill signs with the Devils and starts practicing with the team.
• Kovalchuk doesn’t score in the first 10 games of the month, leading fans to wonder if we’ll EVER have a 50 goal scorer.
• Zach Parise scores his 40th goal of the year on March 19th against the Rangers.  He and Kovalchuk have a combined 3 goals in the last 10 games played.
• Ilya Kovalchuk scores goals 49, 50, and 51 in a hat-trick effort against Chicago.  John MacLean calls him after the game to congratulate him, saying,”You know, I once scored a big goal for the Devils against the Blackhawks.”
• The Devils blow a 3 goal lead on the last day of the month to Carolina.  Eric Staal scores the winner with :08 left in the 3rd as the Devils lose 4-3.  Fans immediately scream for DeBoer’s head as Brodeur has played 20 straight games.

APRIL 2012

• Before their game against the Islanders, Zach Parise and the team confirm that Parise has signed a 12 year $100M extension.  Parise’s $8.3M Cap hit is immediately ridiculed around the Hockey’s Future boards.  Searches of these users past comments reveal many references to a 10 year $120M offer from a number of teams when Zach becomes a UFA on July 1.  Lamoriello says they waited on a deal because the Devils just wanted to “kick the tires” on Zach for a year after the injury.
• Parise lights up the Islanders with a 3G, 5 point performance.  He now has 46 goals and 110 points.
• Marty Brodeur wins his 49th game of the season against the Islanders.  It’s his 21st straight start.  Fans are torn between  “go for 50” or “rest him for the playoffs.”
• Ilya Kovalchuk finishes the season with 56 goals and 103 points.
• On the last day of the season, Parise scores his 50th goal, finishing with 115 points and winning the Art Ross Trophy.  Ranger fans say he’ll be overpaid next year.
• Marty Brodeur wins his 50th game of the season, breaking his previous record of 48.  Patrick Roy fans cry foul because Patrick didn’t have the shootout.
• Devil fans argue whether or not they should leave Larsson off the playoff roster when Jon Merrill finishes with more goals and points even though he only played 10 games.
• The Devils win the East and draw the Maple Leafs in the first round.  They win in 5.  After taking a 3-0 series lead, Marty Brodeur is on the bench for game 4.  It is the first playoff game he hasn’t started for the Devils since 1994, ending his streak at 151.
• In round two, the Devils draw the Flyers.  They head into May trailing 2-1 in the series.

MAY 2012

• After the Devils take a 3-2 lead in the series, the Flyers win game 6 in Philadelphia forcing a game 7 in New Jersey.  After a 56 goal campaign and 8 goals in 10 games in the playoffs, Kovalchuk fails to convert a breakaway with :10 left in regulation of a 0-0 game that heads to overtime.  #Kovalsuck is trending on Twitter in New Jersey.
• Even though Marty has 42 saves through 3 periods, Peter DeBoer puts Johan Hedberg in goal for the start of overtime, saying he’s playing a numbers game since Marty’s numbers in OT in the playoffs are “less than stellar.”  Patrick Roy calls Brodeur in between periods and tells him to call Jeff Vanderbeek and tell him he’s never playing for his team ever again.
• After a first OT that sees few shots, the teams head into the dressing room scoreless in game 7.  Lou Lamoriello, befuddled by DeBoer’s benching of Brodeur, fires DeBoer and coaches the team himself from the bench.
• At 16:32 of the second overtime, Adam Larsson scores his first goal of the season to beat the Flyers and send the Devils to the Eastern Conference Final.  Fans flood the message boards calling him the next Nik Lidstrom.
• The Devils lose to the Tampa Bay Lightning in the Conference Final.  After a hearing with the league, the NHL determines that the Devils were not allowed to have Lou Lamoriello coach, as coaching changes are not allowed mid game like it happened in game 7 against Philly.  The league fines the Devils $5 million and the team is forced to surrender a first round draft pick in 2 of the next 5 seasons.

JUNE 2012

• The Tampa Bay Lightning win the Stanley Cup over the Vancouver Canucks.  Vancouver is immediately burned to the ground, and Roberto Luongo is traded to Columbus.  The Canucks announce that they will play next season in Kansas City while their arena is rebuilt.
• Victor Hedman wins the Conn Smythe Trophy.  Devil fans inundate the Hockey’s Future boards to complain that Larsson will never be that good.
• The NHL avoids another lockout by agreeing on a new 10 year CBA.  The UFA age is pushed back to 30 or 10 years of service whichever comes first.
• Ilya Kovalchuk wins the Rocket Richard Award and Ted Lindsay Award.  Kovalchuk looks at the trophy and exclaims, “I didn’t know this is how you spell Lester B Pearson.”
•  Zach Parise wins the Art Ross Trophy and Hart Trophy.
• Martin Brodeur wins the Vezina and Jennings Trophies.
• Peter DeBoer wins the Adams Award even though he was fired during the playoffs.

JULY 2012

• Ryan Suter leaves as a free agent.
• Drew Doughty, now forced to wait another 8 years before he can be unrestricted decides to go play in Russia.
• Slava Fetisov is hired as coach of the Devils.
• Martin Brodeur signs an agreement to play “year to year” at his current salary until he retires.
• The Devils, now loaded with cap space, trade Patrik Elias and their last first round pick for 5 years to LA for Drew Doughty’s rights.  They immediately send Slava to “go get Drew” and sign him to a 10 year $100M contract.
• Islanders announce that they will move to Quebec in 2012/13, leaving all 8 Islander season ticket holders with nothing to do but play Call of Duty in their moms’ basements.

JUNE 2013

• DEVILS WIN THEIR 4TH STANLEY CUP!!!