Yesterday, the New Jersey Devils mascot – NJ Devil – representing the team at a child’s birthday party. He went rogue and crashed through a glass window. Here is our breakdown of the video.
In hockey, there’s something called the “tale of the tape.” It’s a clear scouting report based on video you have of a certain player. Today, we have video of New Jersey Devils mascot NJ Devil. This is his tale of the tape.
Start until 4 seconds: NJ Devil is mostly stationary. He’s not even grabbing the parachute, despite being the tallest guy there. How are you going to convince Taylor Hall to stay when you can’t even pull your weight off the ice?
5 seconds: For reasons unknown, the Devil turns to the left a full 90 degrees.
https://twitter.com/Sportsnet/status/1150506784957898753
5 seconds to 8 seconds: There’s a couple things we need to discuss here:
Where is the Devil running? Nobody else is looking at him, and thus far he’s done nothing to raise attention.
There’s a sign on the wall in front of him – what does it say? It looks like there’s a stop sign on it, which raises the possibility that this has happened before. Unless the sign says “Stop Unless You Plan On Trading For Nikita Gusev.” Then all of this makes sense. We’ll ask fellow Pucks and Pitchforks writer Tyler Kelley about that later, I’m sure he’ll have a GIF.
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8 to 12 seconds: Let’s take a minute to appreciate that perfect glass-shattering sound. Foley artists spent hours trying to get a sound that ideal in a studio, forget in the wild. That is “Steve Austin entrance at Wrestlemania 13” level ideal. Wait, hold up… the Devil and Gritty have been at it for a year. What if this is the sign of a double turn?
13 seconds: one of the highlight of the video: a suburban mom casually dropping “nailed it.” It’s no “way to go, Paul” but there’s some potential there.
14 to 19 seconds: We’ve got two things going out.
- We’ve got the Devil looking dour – not even in a normal “my antics have backfired” way. More like a “who is gonna pay for this” kind of way. It’s the same body language college students have when they find out their residential hall was vandalized and know they’ll get fined. Worry not: Josh Harris has $3.5 billion to his name. There’s a nonzero chance he has a check sitting in his car right now that could pay for it.
- We have children unsure if they’re even allowed to look.
But wait!
We all thought we were looking at the Zapruder film, but it turned out we were looking at the Nix film. This was the Zapruder film after all:
— Lawrence Chiu (@aznpimpmaster) July 14, 2019
Wait, this just makes things more confusing.
- Why is the Devil running? He’s further away from the action than implied from the closer angle. There’s no kids out there.
- What’s outside the window? There’s nothing out there. It looks like it should be easy to get out, but they’ve all made it more difficult. In other words, it clearly has to do with the Devils never ending pursuit of Gusev.
- Why is the cameraman’s “oh” the most passionate reaction? This is a bigger deal than “oh,” even around kids. Say what we all want you to say.
- Why is blonde girl in the Minnie Mouses t-shirt the only person in the room who didn’t look? I’m starting to understand what Wayne Gretzky meant, all those years later. This girl doesn’t have time for a Mickey Mouse franchise when she has the wife of the mouse himself right on her shirt.
Offseason madness has infected us all. Even the Devils mascot is causing chaos.